Beyond Chris Brown and Rihanna: Taking a Stance on Domestic Abuse
Jessica Ton
I recently read an article on People magazine’s website about how Chris Brown is trying to keep his career moving forward by continuing to record in the studio for a new album due to come out later this year. His MySpace page makes no mention of the assault incident and, up until last week, requested fans to vote for him for the 2009 Kids’ Choice Awards. He’s been photographed vacationing at P. Diddy’s estate in
How sorely the point has been missed on this one.
Does anyone else think these publicity stunts are ridiculous and insulting to victims of abuse? The man was arrested just a month ago for beating his girlfriend and threatening to kill her, yet it’s clear that his people intend on sweeping the entire thing under the rug. I understand that the publicists are just doing their job and that Brown doesn’t want to incriminate himself outside of the courtroom. But that doesn’t mean the public should accept this without recognizing the fact that this is not just a special occurrence but rather a sad reality and that abuse doesn’t stop with millions of dollars or with silly duets. Maybe I’m being harsh, but after reading the official police report of the case (which I recommend, if you still have your doubts), my problem is that people aren’t getting angry enough.
I don’t mean to be another member of the peanut gallery, but what Chris Brown may have done to Rihanna was a heinous, hateful act of domestic abuse. So it amazes me that some media commentators are still convinced that this situation has been blown out of proportion; that this is only a big deal because these people are A-list celebrities; and that soon this will be forgotten like all the other tabloid news.
While perusing Brown’s MySpace page, I saw that one fan, a woman, says the following: “[I don’t know] what happened… all I know is I'm on your side 100%. [I don’t know] why women do and say what they do... Frikkin crazy b*tches.” Upon doing more research, I discovered a boston.com survey of over 200 teenagers on the topic – 46% of them blamed Rihanna for the assault. If the public’s perception of domestic abuse is that women get beaten because they are “crazy bitches” or because they deserved it, then we have a lot of work to do.
And even those who are standing up behind Rihanna have a lot to learn: though they are well-intentioned, their criticism of her reconciliation with Brown is very much misguided. The psychological trauma associated with domestic abuse is extremely complex and for most victims, it takes many attempts to end such a relationship. From my brief time working with Latino victims of domestic abuse, I’ve learned that many of them still live with their partners, either because they have nowhere else to go or because they don’t have the strength to leave. The abuser often successfully alienates the victim from family and friends, which leaves her feeling compelled to return to him for validation.
Should Rihanna ultimately leave Brown? Advice columnist Carolyn Hax says the following about verbal abuse: “Just knowing people have it in them to call you worthless, to my mind, kills the pleasure -- and point -- of being with them.” I think this more than aptly applies to physical abuse: if you still seek the love and approval of someone who is capable of insulting, threatening, or physically harming you, then it is time to get out and never look back. But I recognize that this is a lot easier said than done.
Since I started writing this article, Brown has withdrawn his name from nomination at the Kids’ Choice Awards because many concerned parents had protested. I think it was a wise decision. I realize that an awards show isn’t supposed to reflect on celebrities’ personal lives and perhaps under other circumstances I would not have been such an ardent supporter of his withdrawal. But kids are very observant and impressionable, so the Kids’ Choice Awards should do all it can to avoid sending mixed messages about domestic abuse. Instead, they should take this opportunity to educate kids and teens about this issue. Without vilifying Chris Brown, the show could air a few tasteful public announcements explaining what domestic abuse is and encouraging their young viewers to report it, if this is something they witness or experience. It would make them well-informed early on, potentially protecting them from becoming victims or letting others get away with such behavior.
This is exceptionally important because we need to transition from making this incident into a big deal because it involves celebrities to making this incident into a big deal because according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic abuse in her lifetime. This is far too common and cannot be ignored, even after the Rihanna-Chris Brown situation fades away. If anything, the country should channel the publicity currently generated by this celebrity couple toward initiating serious dialogue about the psychological and social problems leading up to an abusive relationship and ways to prevent it. I would even say that the President and Michelle Obama could afford to say a few words on the subject. After all, it is up to us – the victims, the public, the politicians, and the media – to be angry and make it clear that what happened to Rihanna and happens to millions of other women will not be accepted or condoned.
If you or someone you know might be in an abusive relationship, it is never too late to stop the violence: Call 1-800-799-SAFE (The National Domestic Violence Hotline).